Five Reasons I Don’t Play With My Kids

5 reasons I dont play with my kids

  1. It is important to foster independent play. Learning how to be alone is a vital life skill.  There are whole books devoted to the promotion of “blanket time”, independent play while staying in the confines of a specific perimeter. In mommy terms- “stay on the e’ffing blanket and play quietly so I can walk away for a minute!” I love independent play time. In fact, I encourage 6-8 hours of independent play time a day. We have a small home and it’s the perfect exercise for my mommy ears to acutely decipher the difference between playing together and beating the crap out of each other. See? Fostering independence
  2. I have other shit to do. LOTS of other shit to do. I am a full-time SAHM which means we are busy grocery shopping, picking up dry-cleaning, running to the bank, searching for Frozen paraphernalia and fighting over which park to go play. (The one without the giant gaping holes of death 8 feet in the air, preferably.) THEN, we get home and are confronted with laundry, meal preparation and bill paying. What I really need are office hours, but since I don’t have the luxury an office, I need require some quiet time to focus on my non-kid tasks at hand. Sometimes I just want to get a task done without little helpers wanting to assist in measuring, pouring or stirring.
  3. This is why they have a sibling. After the traumatic birth of my first child, I cannot say that I looked forward to having another little alien inhabiting my belly. But, my mom always said, there is no one that will ever know the true craziness of your childhood better than a brother or sister. I totally agree. I look at it this way; humans crave companionship and who better to hang out with than a genetically similar and slightly obligated sibling? A ready-made playmate, if you will, a built-in companion for all the family vacations, someone to share a bed with in a hotel, a partner to ride rollercoasters and someone to share your insane love of Caillou and goldfish.
  4. I just don’t want to. In the words of my 3 year old, “I DON’T WANNA!!” I just don’t. want. to. Please, come talk to me about your first crush, getting your period or masturbation, but for the love of god don’t make me pretend to be Barbie’s best friend riding Rainbow Dash to Princess Anna’s castle. I don’t have the energy to keep up the high-pitched voice and backstory and honestly, you get so mad at me when I suck at your little kid cos-play. I am sorry. I don’t know the rules and quite frankly, you seem a bit confused about them yourself. Let’s just part ways and say that I am not a good fit for your playmate.
  5. I am not their friend, I am their parent. That’s right, I said it. I am not wearing a pink velour jumpsuit- I don’t want to be your bestie, God love you. In fact, I can’t be your bestie if I want to be your parent. I truly don’t think you can have it both ways. As a parent, you need to make the tough decisions that may piss off your progeny, but it is a necessary evil. It goes with the territory.  Rules, grounding, chores…these things take a consistently firm hand that may not win you points in the friend column and that’s ok. Let me repeat: IT IS OK. I give you permission to piss off your kids in the name of good parenting. Mommies need a supportive partner, a supportive village of friends and a (responsibly) boozy mommy’s group. This is the only way we will survive the Mommy-hood.

Now go give your littles a hug and tell them that mommy can’t play right now.




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