Parental Code Words for S-E-X

Parental code words for SEX

Little ears are everywhere! God help me when they can start spelling. My husband and I will have to stay up late with the Rosetta Stone learning another language. I should invent a parent code- a top secret language to talk about super sensitive information, you know, like crap talking about the whiney neighbor kids and where you hid the chocolate. Should you find yourself in the same close quarters, I have it on good authority that these are pretty universal phrases for when mommy and daddy want a little alone time…

  1. “Do you wanna lock the door?” We all know what that means. When I was growing up I would hear my parent’s door lock in the middle of the night and now I know too much.
  2. “Are you tired?” ie: How long do I have before you completely pass out.
  3. “Do you wanna, you know, do it tonight?” Subtle, yet effective.
  4. “The kids are asleep…” It’s the hopefulness at the end of the sentence that is so endearing.
  5. “Should I put the dog outside?” My dog is thankfully not a voyeur, but I hear some of you don’t prefer a drooling, four-legged audience.
  6. “Do you have a headache?”  Honey, do you have a headache? No? Good, then you don’t have an excuse.
  7. “Is it halftime yet?” That’s my favorite kind of halftime show. I wonder how many Fantasy points I can earn…
  8. “I am feeling disconnected.” Admittedly, I say this with or without the anticipation of sex. It’s my go to phrase for needing a date night, deep conversation, cuddle time watching our shows- or some physical reconnection.
  9. “How you doin’?” Hey, it worked for Joey.
  10. “Say hello to my little friend.”  Well, I don’t know if I would want to call it little.

If all the subtle innuendo fails…

Cue up The Humpy Dance by Digital Underground. Stop what you are doing and do the humpty hump.

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17 thoughts on “Parental Code Words for S-E-X

  1. We say we are going upstairs to take a “nap”. It really started back in the early years of our relationship when my Dad called the house we were staying at with a bunch of friends. Our friend answered the phone and told my Dad that we were “sleeping” (it was early afternoon). Of course, he emphasized the “sleeping” part, practically doing a wink, wink, nudge, nudge over the phone.


  2. Funny Post I was laughing the entire time. I’m the youngest out my family I’m 28yrs. My 2 older currently 50,49yrs old sis & 1 brother he’s 47yrs old were already out the house. My parents born 1938 & 1943 so they didn’t have to worry about that w/me. Diff backgrounds but I was taught about sex early, had to help raise my nieces/nephews, and so yea we all grew up fast. Seeing kids now & how parents go about “secret words” is funny & weird to me. Sounds time consuming and kids now are smarter. If you tell them well then you wouldn’t have to hide it. Guess being born 86′ hard for me to relate to this day & age.


    • We are in our 30s and with our kids as young as they are we explain things on an age appropriate level. They don’t need to know what mommy and daddy are doing, they just need to know that we love each other- not how we love we each other. 🙂


  3. LOL…Mommy and Daddy time is usually only when we can get it…and not often! This post made me literally LOL. Just yesterday a friend of mine was saying how she and her husband call it “The Secret Dance”. LOL


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