Need: Instruction book for being a Mom

I am a MOM and WIFE. But, I am also a FRIEND. DAUGHTER. SISTER. NEIGHBOR. There are a lot of hats and lately I feel like I am sucking it up big time. I feel like I am peddling just as fast and hard as I can and yet, I am going nowhere. I feel like I am working my ass off (unfortunately not literally- I cannot find time or energy to do that) and yet, I am not making anyone happy- including myself.  I feel like I truly try my best to please everyone and yet, I please no one. I am not depressed, please don’t think that I have any problem like that…this is just a temporary lull in the system. I think this feeling may just be a plateau or maybe a fork in the road that needs to be navigated.

My children are wonderful, inquisitive, funny, happy, fabulous balls of energy and neediness. They are young and navigating this world to the best of their ability- and it’s exhausting; physically and mentally exhausting. I am never alone. I cannot hear myself think over the constant singing, yelling, chattering and music in the house. I am followed to the bathroom. I make meals and snacks all day long. I have to get up in the middle of the night to scare away monsters, clean up puke, administer baby Tylenol, or just for some reassuring cuddles and kisses. I am like a mommy- on call, all the time, forever and ever and ever….

I try and plan girls nights, date nights, play dates, outings, activities…blah, blah, blah. I plan ahead; I try and find babysitters far in advance. I try to keep the peace, make everyone happy, and make sure no one feels used. I try to be thankful for the help we receive and dutifully return the favor. I try, I try, I try! I am so tired. I want to go do something without jumping through a million hoops first, without packing baggies of goldfish and sippies of milk, without making plans and backup plans.

I am but one person and I am doing the best that I can. I try to get laundry done, keep the kitchen stocked, have dinner on the table, have coffee ready in the morning and pay the household bills on time. I try to keep the kids active and involved and I try to create a home with love and laughter.

That is a lot of balls. That is a lot of small tasks that can easily get overlooked or pushed aside for more pressing issues. This is why people have help. They have daycare, house cleaners, assistants, secretaries, nannies…because it’s a tough fucking job for one person. SAHM Time mom of the year

Give me a break – I AM DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN!

I don’t get paid for this SAHM job. I didn’t have to fill out an application. I didn’t get a list of prerequisites or objectives, I sure don’t have a PDF file of directions to perform any specific tasks. I am just one woman, trying to figure it all out. I mean, honestly, we are all just making this up as we go.

I have thought long on the situation at hand and still have no answers. Zip. Nada. I have been told to pray on it…I guess. I am not really the religious kind, but I suppose happy thoughts and the ability to throw my anxiety out into the universe may help. I know that I am not alone. I know that I am not crazy and I know that I am not the only one to have ever had these feelings.

My husband said that he was just going to have to get used to the “new me”. In his exact words, “this overwhelmed mom who is constantly annoyed at her circumstances”. I love him, but I don’t agree. I am not annoyed at my circumstances; I am just frustrated that despite my best efforts, I still feel like I am failing. Please don’t confuse this with feeling like a failure. I feel like I am treading water, not drowning. I just yearn to be on the diving board, high above the pool in the first place. I suppose that could be unrealistic. But, reach for the stars, RIGHT??

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perfect mom

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17 thoughts on “Need: Instruction book for being a Mom

  1. I love this post! I really really really love this post. I feel exactly like this so very much of the time. I’m not a stay at home mom, but I still think I can relate to it all. Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We are all doing the best we can, just as the mothers before us. Just as the mothers who follow us. We are all planning, juggling, struggling, over scheduling, under scheduling, over analyzing, seeking balance, unpaid, over worked and sometimes uncertain. These are the days of the trenches.

    We have to realize we ARE enough. Ask our children. They are happy to call us mom and if you ask most kids they do not see the flaws in us that we see in ourselves. We are so hard on ourselves.

    We will look back in the decades to come and wish we had enjoyed it more. We must remember this is just a season. They will be grown and raising families of their own before we know it repeating this cycle of AM I ENOUGH?

    It is important that we remind ourselves that this unpaid job that has zero sick days is the most important job we will ever have. Ever.

    And prayers are always good, because we are not alone. One of my goals in parenting is to do things for His glory.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is such a great post! I feel like this pretty much all the time. I stay at home with my 17 month old, and I’m 5 months pregnant with our second. Being a Mom is HARD!!

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  4. We all do the best that we can with what we have. And it’s hard, I think, for us to accept that. I’m a borderline perfectionist but I’ve learned, especially being a mom, to let some of that slide.

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  5. Being a mommy is so hard. Everyone thinks that stay at home mommies don’t have a job. IT’S A FULL TIME JOB. No vacation days, no sick days, no weekends off, but it’s so rewarding. I’d give anything to have my kido’s small again just one more day. There were times when I wished I had a vacation from being a mom though. But in the end, they grow up and have their own families and now I’m left wondering how time flew by.

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  6. I tread water ever single day. In the mornings I think that today is going to be the day where I actually feel like I get something accomplished & I can sit back & relax a bit. But then lunch time comes & it all seems to go downhill from there. At least I still have my mornings!

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  7. I often feel like I’m drowning, like I’m too tired to tread water. My husband’s in the military, and we have no friends or family nearby to help out, plus a toddler with sleep issues, and baby #2 on the way in 5 weeks. I love my children, I love my husband, I love that I get the opportunity to stay home with my kids, but… it’s a rough gig sometimes.

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    • Wow- you are deep in the mommyhood. I have so much respect for the wives of the military, that has to be one of the toughest gigs on earth for both of you and your family. Best of lucky with baby #2, I hope your husband gets some quality time at home with you guys soon.

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  8. Unless your a robot…sometimes being a mom just sucks! I love my babies with all my heart…but there are some of those experiences that I was glad to see go. The best lesson I know…remember to take care of YOU first. It’s a must. If you get too run down, you cannot be good for them or anyone else.

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  9. When I first started planning girls’ night out with friends, I felt enourmous guilt. Basicly that I was letting down my son because I wanted to have fun without him. I was separated, there was no way I could have done this while with my son’s father. And it felt so strange to even think that I could have time for ME. My parents took care of my son, I felt strange through the whole time and practically ran back home. But everything went well, my son was happy and I’ve finally learnt to enjoy myself too.

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