Don’t Make My Kid Hate Me.

On notice: Parents that don’t follow the damn rules!!

I received no less than TWO letters in my kid’s take home folder explaining the guidelines for the (Halloween) Storybook Character Parade at school.

Rule #1: Come to school dressed as a BOOK CHARACTER. (Note: It doesn’t say favorite movie character that now has books, too. It says BOOK CHARACTER.)

Rule #2: The character must be based on a BOOK appropriate for elementary school aged kids. (Note: This does not include Game of Thrones- come on, that is just violent porn. They will find enough of that on the internet in a couple years.)

Rule #3: Do not choose a random Halloween costume and then find a book that might be able to fit it. (Note: The History of Knights Anthology, really? That’s what you read to your kid before bedtime? **ahem, liar** However, this kids costume would put some of the Renaissance Festival performers to shame.)

But, even with several letters home and a PTA Facebook post- I still saw about 42 Elsas. My daughter was pissed.

“MOM, KIDS ARE WEARING THEIR ELSA COSTUME!! YOU TOLD ME WE COULDN’T WEAR FROZEN!! ALL THE OTHER GIRLS ARE ELSA!!”

Look parents, I get it- your kid was already going to be Elsa for Halloween. Of course you didn’t want to have to make a whole new Green Eggs and Ham costume out of felt and some batting. I agree, your kid had no interest in wearing the damn thing anyway, so you said fuck it. Elsa it is.

I understand. I am all about the path of least resistance but now you made me look like a grade A asshole. I am the craptastic mom that won’t let her daughter wear the Elsa dress because I  FOLLOWED THE RULES!

I know we are all busy; we don’t want to piece together a million different costumes to appease tiny, fickle little people with ever changing opinions. But the devastation on her face when she saw Elsa after Elsa walking the parade route was just mean. I was about 3 seconds away from going all Tiger Mom.

Please don’t make my daughter hate me because you were too lazy to throw a costume together. She is going to have enough reasons for intensive therapy later. Trust me, I don’t need your help…I am capable of that all on my own, thank you.

Next year can we all just agree to follow the rules, please? Pick a stupid book character- dress up your kid as a Fancy Nancy or Harry Potter or whatever character originated in a BOOK and send them off into the parade. Thanks.