January 1st: Start Living

The first installment of January guest blogs: Your scary, crazy, amazing goal you would accomplish in 2015 if you could do absolutely ANTHING! If you would like to participate find me on Facebook- I would love to share your story!

 

January 1st: Jill: Start Living.

Lose weight. Get in shape. Live healthier. Be more active. For years this has been my mantra, but it had nothing to do with New Year resolutions. I have struggled with my weight since I was about 6. Over the years I have really dug deep ( on my own, not in therapy) and – like most people who are larger than they want to be—I know exactly why I am fat. Yes- food is delicious… but its emotional and for me its about control. Odd, since I think most people who have never really struggled with weight would look at me and think its LACK of control that got me to this point in the first place.

New Year’s resolutions are about new beginnings and the chance to change something about ourselves that, maybe, is less awesome than we would like. So, when I was asked to contribute and share my “crazy, awesome, amazing goals” for the new year, immediately I went for the old standby. However, the more I thought about actually putting them in writing, I decided I needed more. So this year, my New Year’s resolution is to STOP sweating and start LIVING. Hear me out…

Obviously, the first part IS physical. I DO want to lose weight, get in shape, live healthier & be more active. I desperately need to start living again… something I sometimes feel like I have stopped doing or shied away from more and more over the years. Those things require actual sweat, and I do plan on doing a LOT of that in the new year. However, what some of my friends have witnessed is that in the last few years is that I tend to get very hot for no apparent reason. Standing in a line to check out at a store, or grocery shopping cause me to sweat like I have actually been working out. Its humiliating. I am not sure exactly what’s causing it, and I have put off going to the doctor to find out. I presume it comes from the extra insulation I carry, and hopefully that’s all it really is. This comes to an end. I bought a Ninja blender with all the awesome attachments. This part of my resolution—eat to live, don’t live to eat (as I have been doing since about the age of 6. Old habits die hard.).

A few years back I started doing what I call birthday bucket lists. Everyone has a list of things they want to do during their life, and I have a Vision Board (thanks, Oprah) on my wall where it has been for the last 10 years. I realized that I wasn’t making any progress—I wasn’t realizing my big potential. So I decided I need to make my goals more attainable. Every year, on my birthday, I create a new list of things I want to do for that year… some goals are big- like weight loss, but others have to do with LIVING life. My goal is to be able to mark off some of those things—getting certified to scuba dive, running my second 5k- I completed the first in November, go to Six Flags, get to a game in all major sports in DFW… feeling comfortable in my own skin and LIVING my LIFE. I am not going to be skinny—and I am ok with that. I want to be healthy, and to feel good about myself. Its been SO long since I could say that and really believe it.

The second part is mental. I am tired of sweating the small things. I have taken many things for granted in my life, and with age comes wrinkles, sagging skin and wisdom—lots of wisdom. Among the gems I have discovered over the years are the phrase ‘control what you can control’ and the bible verse Romans 12:2 Be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. Merging these two things together… God is in control, and when you think He isn’t—change your perspective and your way of thinking. There is a plan in place, but it’s evidentially on a need to know basis, and—as of now—I just don’t need to know.I never thought at my age I would be single. I didn’t picture being in this place, where my job situation is volital and there is a high likelihood that I will be moving into a new industry and starting from scratch. To use a phrase Memoir Mom would approve of: Scary. As. Fuck.  So this part of my resolution—stop trying to figure it all out, and go with the flow. God has my back—Start acting like it. (yes, I did just drop the F bomb & God’s name within a sentence of each other. I’m going with the flow, remember!)

I feel like at my age, I should be better prepared for the future, instead of feel like I have no safety net. I am tired of sweating the financial future. Seriously—being a grownup is SO overrated sometimes. Ok-  most of the time. I have kicked around two ideas over the years for books—one is a children’s book based around a short story I wrote in high school as a creative writing assignment. The other will highlight some of my dating exploits and will have a working title “Kiss My Penis and other First Date Requests”… as I said—it’s a working title. (I might have to write this under a pseudo name, as you can’t have a book that might be banned in at least 13 countries written by the same author as what will no doubt be a beloved classic for children of all ages.) The final part of my resolution is to finally move forward on both of these projects, which could amount to absolutely nothing… or could totally change my life. And, since that was ultimately the assignment— what scary, crazy, amazing goal would I like to accomplish in 2015— I think changing the course of my life would be pretty damn amazing for sure.

So, Cheers to the next 365 days! Happy New Year everyone!

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One thought on “January 1st: Start Living

  1. You GO Girl – you’ve just discussed in painful depth what many of us feel or have endured. I hope that was freeing for you! And I would just add: You, first. Drop the wounds of the past, go for the future that You want for YOU!

    Like

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