January 6th: Punch a Pubescent

The fifth installment of January guest blogs: “Your scary, crazy, amazing goal you would accomplish in 2015 if you could do absolutely ANTHING!” If you would like to participate find me on Facebook– I would love to share your story!

January 6th: Anonymous: Punch a Pubescent

So. You want scary, crazy, amazing goals for 2015?  How bout this?  All I want to accomplish in 2015 is to not punch a kid in the face.  That may sound easy, but I guarantee you it is not.  Seriously.  It is my mantra: “Do not punch a kid in the face. Do NOT punch a kid in the face.”  

Let me explain.  I teach middle school.  Not only do I teach middle school, but I teach an elective in middle school.  In other words, the class no kid has to take seriously or take at all.  They see it as a time to socialize and do anything other than the subject they are enrolled in: Art. I frequently find myself asking them “If you hate drawing so much, why did you sign up for this class?”  The answer I get is usually “I didn’t choose it.” or “I’m not gonna take choir, choir’s for fags!” Then I’m stuck with the response, “Don’t use that word, you’re the fag!” (ok, the last part is in my head).

So, maybe if I tell you about my struggles I will get it off my chest and succeed in the goal of, quite simply, not punching a kid in the face.  

Every morning I am greeted in 1st period by 10 8th grade boys who do not want to be there.  Every morning two of these boys are out of dresscode (same offense every day) and argue with me about getting their lazy asses into dresscode. Just take off the fucking hoodie already!  I know it’s a stupid rule and no, I don’t agree with it, but it’s my job to enforce it so take off the damn hoodie!  Once that fight is over then all 10 of them… they just sit there.  All I ask of them is to work on whatever project it is we are currently working on, they don’t even have to do it well! And all they do is just sit there.  Why am I stuck fighting with 14 year old boys about doing their artwork while I have 15 other students who do want to be there and are just as annoyed as me by their lack of effort and lack of respect?

I get a little break and then 3rd period comes along.  This class includes Tyler and Tyler (not their real names, but they do both have the same name).  These young men have not been taught to sit their asses down.  They have not been told that tattling on other students is going to get their asses kicked.  They have not been informed that they are two of the most annoying humans I have ever met. Or maybe I have informed them of that, I’m not sure, sometimes my filter doesn’t work. The entire class is continuously saying “Tyler and Tyler!  Shutup and sit down!” “But he took my pencil!” “Oh fucking hell!  Nobody cares about your damn pencil!! And snitches get stitches, so shut the fuck up!”  One of their mother’s has a sticker on her car that is hot pink and reads “Spoiled Oil Field Wife” if that explains anything.

The last anecdote I will share with you is a fun one, like REAL fun. I started the year with several special young men in 4th period.  They have since been moved out of my class or had their schedules changed so they are no longer together, but this is a doozy so bare with me.  These boys would spend every single day telling me they would either make me quit, get fired, or at the very least, make me cry.  Well, they did not make me quit, and I have yet to get fired, and I did not cry, but they did manage to make me lose 5 lbs in one day.  How, may you ask?  Laxatives.  Yes, I’m just sitting dealing with my afternoon classes when all of the sudden….. well, you know, I spend the entire 7th period shitting.  And the rest of the evening.  And the next day.  And 5 lbs later I have to go back and face these boys.  Now, nothing was ever proven.  Nobody ever confessed.  Nothing was ever done.  But I know.  And they know. And all I can keep saying to myself every single day since is “DO NOT PUNCH A KID IN THE FUCKING FACE!”


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